August 2001

Smart Vs. Pretty, by Valerie Frankel (2000)

Valerie Frankel, you have got me worried about giving you a bad review. What a smart author, to write in a plot line involving a book reviewer. Wily.

Don't let the dippy beginning sour you on this book before you get to the better stuff. It took me about 70 pages to stop promising myself I didn't have to read anymore if I didn't want to. The cover sets you up for a sister/friend book about make-up and dating and fat thighs, and the first few chapters seem to back this up, but if you can hang on through the lame "this sister has an outfit for everything and this sister calls herself Frank" stuff, it turns into a creative and exciting novel of murder and intrigue. And coffee; there's a lot of stuff about coffee.

An element of this book I'm not sure I need to draw attention to is the occasional weird/gross descriptive language. The author's facial expression in her book jacket photo leads me to expect her to say some things just for the mischievous fun of it, but on the other hand,"If there was a virginity for [seeing dead bodies], Amanda's corpse cherry was now broken" crosses over from interesting to icky.

Let me just make sure I'm summing things up for any poised-for-vengeance author who might be reading: I liked the book (once the set-up was set up) and would recommend it.

Miss Manners' Guide for the Turn-of-the-Millennium, by Judith Martin (1990)

Imagine my surprise when I find that not everyone has heard of Miss Manners. Some think she's just some sort of etiquette writer, yawn yawn, who cares about how to introduce an ambassador to a colonel. Pardon moi while I reach for my smelling salts and resist the urge to stand on a street corner converting the masses to life a la Miss Manners. Miss Manners is not merely an expert on etiquette of the white-kid-gloves-and-antimacassars variety, she also can tell you, for example, how to be faultlessly polite and yet communicate your dislike for your mother-in-law. She knows how stepfamilies should be run, and how to speak of your ex-husband/wife in such a way that everyone will blame him/her for the break-up of the marriage. She knows how to respond to the rude gestures people make while driving, and how to get a child to practice the piano. I'm not convinced she doesn't know EVERYTHING. She does not make up silly rules and try to force people to follow them, as more than one person has dismissively and incorrectly assumed; rather, she interprets, teaches, and applies the rules society has already chosen for itself. Her books are smart and funny and her writing is exquisite. I can't understand how in one sentence she can get right to the whole point of an enormous controversial subject such as smoking, or spoiled "It's My Special Day" brides, or the respective/respectful meanings of Mr./Mrs./Ms.--but she does it again and again. Her books are entertaining reading and essential reference. If I were a bookstore I'd sell her books at a loss just to make sure everyone could own them. Since all I have is this site, I will use this platform to pass on these words of wisdom (her points, but in my words):

• "Mrs." may NOT be used with a lady's first name. EVER. If you are married and want to use your first name, you must be "Ms.," and if you want to use Mrs., you must use your husband's name. Remember it this way: translate "Mrs." as "wife of."
• You must write thank you notes for wedding presents, and that means always, no exceptions, and no, you don't have a year, you have about three minutes to get that thing in the mail.
• That stupid little piece of tissue paper is not supposed to be enclosed with the wedding invitation, even if it comes with instructions on how to include it.
• It is high time we came up with a name for a person you live with romantically but are not married to.
• "Not caring what other people think" is for moral issues, not issues of civility such as appropriate dress and behavior.
• Suffixes such as "Jr." and "III" are placemarkers, not names. When the original owner of the name dies, everyone moves up a notch: III becomes Jr., for example. Exceptions: royalty, popes.

Fast Women, by Jennifer Crusie (2001)

A rocky start (introducing a character as "her sister-in-law's father" and a few other such things that required several re-readings to understand) gives way to an entertaining, exciting, suspenseful, witty plot with realistic characters. I'd make a little family tree as you go along if I were you: there's so much intergenerational marrying, it's difficult to keep straight who are the children and who are the wives/mistresses. The book is a little racy; not as bad as paperback romances but treading a fine line. The romances themselves, too, are getting close to the "I hate you, Lance DeBouvier!" (*falling into passionate kiss*) sort of thing. Flaming eyes and whirling tresses are all very well in their place; what sets this book apart is that the author doesn't assume that big fights and sexy make-ups are enough to establish a long-term relationship. The author also wisely doesn't expect the romance to carry the book: she throws a few corpses into the mix to keep things lively. In fact, the book has it all: comedy low and high, romance, mystery, dead bodies, disappearances, treasure hunts, troubled relationships, girl talks, interesting china, and even a cheerleader striptease and a two-girls kiss for those of you who find any deal sweetened by that kind of thing.